“there are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings” hodding Carter.

As mothers and fathers, what do we wish for our children?

If we could teach them something about life, give them a gift that means their life will be fulfilling and through good times and bad, they learn to bounce back because of that gift, what would it be?

My two daughters and I, along with my friend, went to see Barbie movie. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t get my hopes up that it would be mind blowing…probably because the hype around it tells me it’s mind blowing and I’ve learned not to trust hype! It often leads to disappointment!

I hear you ask yourself if this is a Barbie movie review, full of feminist themes and outcry at various women’s issues. Not really…

It was….interesting. I get what the messages were. But the biggest message came after the movie when my youngest daughter messaged me, thanking me for being a great mum.

I had a little tear, sat with that message for a while and went to bed, thoughts rolling around about what I’ve done well, and where I’ve fallen short.

I woke at 2.13 am with sentence popping in my head like a neon sign.

YOU CAN’T TEACH WHAT YOU DON’T HAVE.

I tossed and turned, trying to get back to sleep but in the end I reached for my phone and typed that sentence in, knowing I’d forget it by morning and hoping to turn off the sign until a more appropriate time. I then spent the next hour analysing it, and thinking of Barbie. Omg…I don’t even like hot pink.

I asked myself what I wish for my girls, and for my son. What attribute would I most love for them to have or acquire. It kind of ties in with Barbie. What was it that Barbie  ( and Ken) were searching for?

And have I done enough as a mum, to allow them to have that and value that?

The answer is no.

You see, the “thing” I wish for them is self-worth. To see themselves as worthy. Worthy of love, of acceptance, worthy of belonging, worthy of success.

Self worth.

Have I taught them the importance of that? Because to have self worth means they value themselves enough to make the right choices for them. Not for others, but for them. To have self worth means you have personal standards you like to maintain and the choices you make in life centre around what you need to make you feel fulfilled.

The definition of self worth is the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person ; self-esteem ; self-respect.

You can’t teach what you don’t have.

How do we teach our children self worth if we don’t display it ourselves? Are we, as mothers, showing ourselves the respect we deserve and modelling that to our kids?

If only we could go back in time and once again have those night time snuggles with little ones in flannelette pyjamas. If only….

What would you do differently?

What would I do differently?

I’d search for that thing called self-worth. I’d fight for self respect and work on my self esteem. I’d do more, just for me. I’d fight for myself more, I’d believe in myself more. I would block out the negative self talk, the negative image I had of myself. I’d find something that filled my cup. And I’d show my kids that I mattered. So they knew they mattered.

On every flight you go on, the safety talk reminds us that in an emergency, it is imperative that you put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping to put it on others. In order to successfully help others, you must put yourself first.

As mothers, we don’t do that.

We must have self worth, self respect, self esteem in order to pass that on to our children. If we don’t, we may have to watch them battle that negative talk over and over and over again. We may have to watch them struggle with self esteem issues, anxiety, body issues, bad decisions.

Is that what we want for them? Is what we display to them, what we later see in them?

You can’t teach what you don’t have.

But it’s never too late to learn.

And it’s never too early to start. I know so many new mums and dads starting out on this roller coaster we call parenting. READ THIS!

Finding your self worth shouldn’t come to you in your fifties, just because you now have some time on your hands.

Work on it now!

Think of what you wish for for your little one and prioritise it for yourself. How you treat yourself will reflect in how they grow up, how they view themselves, how they view the world, how they cope in adversity, how they thrive in success. It reflects in the boundaries they place around them, the standards they hold.

I ACTUALLY GET IT. It’s a light bulb moment! The light bulb switched on at 2.13 am after watching Barbie movie. The Barbie movie! I wasn’t even sure I loved Barbie! But she had some messages for me…for women, for daughters, for mothers, for men, for boys, for the Ken’s of this world.

I, like others, was one who thought Barbie was so perfect she made me question my worth. Her perfect permanent smile, her long toned legs, her flowing gorgeous hair. Her perfect body. She is nothing like me.

And yet she is.

So watch the movie, or don’t watch the movie. Love it or hate it.

Please place your oxygen mask on first.

Those little tiny faces in flannelette pyjamas who may now be nurses, teachers, retail workers, police officers, university students, builders, mothers, fathers will see you doing that, and know that we lead the way. How we see ourselves will be reflected in them.

No matter what our age, our stage in life, the house we live in, the job we do.

We are worthy.

I am worthy. And I can see that for the first time….perhaps ever.

While I was at Eden Health retreat I wrote myself a letter. It was to be posted 3 months after returning home and it was a reminder of how I felt there and a check point to make sure I was still honouring myself.

I received that letter one month ago, opened it and shoved it into my wallet, not ready to face the fact that I’d slipped back into old habits. The first line I wrote was “ I know you will fall back into old habits, but this letter is your reminder!”

Doh!

I read it  today. And I need to honour myself better. And show the way to my children. So they can show the way to their children.

And to my beautiful kids, that line in the movie got to me.

“We mothers stand still so that our daughter’s can look back and see how far they’ve come”. Ruth Handler, creator of Barbie.

We do stand still, we do sacrifice ourselves for our children. There is no question of that. But what if we kept moving with them? Still growing, still thriving, still striving.

Showing them the way to fulfilment, leading the way in showing them that they matter, but so do we. Learning new skills, challenging ourselves, questioning our future, believing in ourselves. Never stopping, never really staying still.

I was going to pop a disclaimer up stating I’m no parenting expert, no feminist expert, no expert in….well anything really. But that’s not true.

I’m a mum, and a woman. And while both roles require some self-sacrifices, at 51 years of age, I can now say the best is yet to come. And I am an expert in ME!

One last thing… be Weird Barbie. The world needs more of her!

Self worth.

Do you have it?

You can’t teach what you don’t have.

Love,

Cherie with a C.

• Photo of me with my three beautiful adults by Prue Peters Photography!