Garden of Eden

Hello! I’m still here! I’ve just had a little break from my blog. 

I think I got a little self conscious…..and was doubting my reason for writing the blog, and the reason people were reading it. 

I guess I felt a little vulnerable and wondered if I really wanted everyone to know (or even cared) about my life. I wondered if I shared too much, or too little. I doubted myself.

So I stopped. 

But I’ve recently had an experience I want to share. So here goes…

 Turning 50 was AMAZING! I felt like my life was beginning again, and I started thinking about what I wanted out of life. And my decision was….I wanted to just be happy being me. But perhaps a better version. A bit healthier, a bit braver, a bit more fun! Once again, I’d forgotten how to be all that.

So hubby and I set a goal….to get me to Eden Health Retreat for my 51st birthday. 

Was it a huge goal? Hell yes! It’s not cheap. It’s a 5 star luxury health resort, and we were looking at an 11 night stay. So $$$. There are people who are caught up in what it cost us, but after going, I realised I couldn’t afford NOT to go. Read on…

I have to admit, my goal was around getting fitter, eating healthier and losing weight. It was going to be my “kick start” to all of those things. And it was. I ate the most amazing meals….all super nutritious and healthy. No coffee, only water or herbal teas. No sugar. No chocolate. A never ending supply of fruit. Sparkling water on tap.

So healthy eating: TICK! 

The accommodation was beautiful….and up a mighty hill. Heart-stopper hill! There were two ways to get to my room…..the hard way or the quiet way, which was a little gentler. The first day when I found out my room number, I went the gentle way. I think I stopped three times to rest. OMG! Was I going to survive this? My muscles were screaming at me. To get to the dining room, I had to go up another hill and walk on large pavers. Bloody hell! It was a slow process but I told myself I’d run up them by the end of my stay. And I did just that.

So I got fitter: TICK! 

I didn’t feel like I lost a lot of weight, but I felt so much better. My skin glowed, I wasn’t bloated and I had an abundance of energy. All from eating well and exercising. But….

It wasn’t all from eating my greens, drinking beetroot juice and running up and down hills. 

Those things happened, but something else happened. I lost more than some bad habits. 

And I found……the woo. Yep, you read right. I found WOO WOO! 

The exact thing I said I didn’t want or need. I didn’t go to Eden to meditate, do breath work, do yoga, listen to sound bowl healing, chant, dance, sing, or say Namaste at the end of a class. I didn’t go to learn about tapping or kinesiology. I didn’t go to “share” with people I’d just met. Nope. That’s not me. I mean, I like yoga and was very happy to partake in the classes. I was, after all on a fitness/ health quest. But the others….nope. No way. I’d rather swim some laps, go for a walk, even box in the gym. 

So when my little slip of paper arrived in my letterbox on my first night, telling me the options of classes on the day included a 6.15 am yoga class, I went with it. Yoga is physical, great for stretching, relaxing. All that. No problem. Bring it on. 

I arrived at the class with other wide-eyed, scared newbies, ready to stretch. The most beautiful young woman took the class and allowed me to choose some “offerings”.  I took a crystal that represented faith and hope ( I liked the colour! ) and randomly picked up a stone with a word on it. Forgiveness. She asked me if that meant anything for me and I said no. Forgiveness?! No idea what forgiveness has to do with me coming to Eden. Gave her a blank. Walls still up. Winning! She smiled knowingly and welcomed me to Eden. I smiled back and allowed her to think I was open to…forgiveness. Now, remember… I’m not there for the woo factor. Good, healthy food, a break from everyday life, some exercise. No forgiveness required. So I thought nothing of it. 

But you know what happened, right? 

That one yoga class led to more yoga classes, a class called Awakening, a sound bowl healing, an abdominal healing treatment, reflexology, acupuncture, tapping. And what word, or feeling, do you think popped into my head, out of the blue, every time I closed my eyes?

FREAKING FORGIVENESS. 

I’m not sure I can put meaning on my trip in one blog. One passage of words will not, and cannot, do it justice. But here goes…

Forgiveness for me, had so many sides to it. 

But the biggest one was I forgave myself. I forgave myself for thinking I was weak for so many years. I forgave myself for not always putting myself first. I forgave myself for thinking I was not enough. I forgave myself for playing small, for sitting down when I should have stood up, for being quiet when I should have yelled. For whispering instead of singing. For not accepting who I am. For thinking I was a terrible mum, a terrible wife.

And this all came about because of the “woo”. The woo crept in. I literally had tears rolling down my face in the Awakening class, but I wasn’t crying. I wasn’t upset. I was just letting go. Letting go of the past, the mistakes, the negatives. Purging. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t stop it. Sounds so dramatic, reading this back to myself, but it’s true.

I left so much behind at Eden and felt a sense of freedom I’d never felt before. Like so many other women, mums, wives, partners, I’ve been so very hard on myself for so long. 

And back home, I’m searching for more. More classes, more insight, more of the feelings I had at Eden. 

Forgiveness.

A word on a stone.

BOOM!

And there is much more……so much more. I haven’t even touched on connecting with nature, connecting with others, the staff, the whole environment. My bravery on the flying fox! The flying fox! 

Maybe I’ll do another blog on another day. It may end up as a small series of blogs highlighting some of the things I’ve brought home with me, or left behind. 

On a side note, I wrote this today after watching Taryn Brumfitt’s Embrace on Netflix. I loved it. Why do we do things to LOOK better, instead of doing things to FEEL better? My initial Eden goal was to come home looking fresher, thinner, younger.

WHY do we do that to ourselves?

Watching the documentary made me think of what I achieved from going, as opposed to what I thought I would achieve.

Thanks for reading, and please, if you have questions or want to hear more, just let me know. 

I’m writing this for me, but love sharing.

Love,

Cherie with a C. xxx