Babe steps...

Ok…..that list. The list of things I’m going to do to find my inner babe again. The list of new things I’m going to try. The list. At first I was thinking of classes. You know, yoga, furniture restoration, how to organise your wardrobe, photography, stamp collecting. That kind of thing. Things that resparkle my spark. Or respark my sparkle. But I may have had another light bulb moment at 12.31am on a Sunday morning.

I don’t need classes yet! I need something WAYYYY more important first…. and it hit me like a tonne of bricks.

I NEED TO HAVE FUN! Yes, FUN!

Sounds dumb, right? Read on…..

I’m embarrassed to admit this but I really have forgotten how to have, or to be, freaking fun! I have been serious mum for a bloody long time. When was the last time I danced in the kitchen? When was the last time I did a pee in my pants laughing uncontrollably? Or sang at the top of my voice in the shower? Or attempted a cartwheel?

There is probably a good explanation for my lack of funness (new word). And my lovely husband probably plays a part. For many years of our early marriage, he kind of hated himself. He struggled with low self esteem and depression. So at times, I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. Because it kind of was. Fun was nowhere to be seen and had packed up and moved out of the house. So I forgot about it. Literally.

Today he is a different person. He is at peace with who he is and now helps other people see past depression and anxiety. And he really does know how to have fun. But I’m still serious mum. I worry way too much about what other people think of me. It’s not unusual for me to get dressed, walk outside and then walk straight back in to change into something else. It’s not unusual for me to lash out and buy a bright, funky lipstick…..something different to my usual nude beige, only to wipe it off my lips and shove in to the bottom of the drawer… never to be seen again!

But really….does it matter if someone doesn’t like my top? Or my lipstick? I mean, really?? And do people even bother to judge other people on that kind of thing? I certainly don’t. I say more power to you if you can rock that bright red lippy! And more power to you if you are brave enough to cut your long hair super short! Are we, as women, thinking way to much about what other women think of us when they are probably thinking the same things, and having the same insecurities as us?

Because….you know…..I can be funny! I have my beautiful Dad’s dry sense of humour. According to my husband, if you have to tell people you are funny, you are probably not funny! But in fact telling people I am funny is telling myself, REMINDING myself, that once upon a time I HAD FUN!

I am fun. And funny! And I’m going to remind myself of this each and every day. Music will feature in this reminder and will be blasted in the kitchen, and in the car, EVERY morning. If I want to dance….I will dance. If I want to sing…I will sing. (Sorry kids!!)

Tomorrow’s challenge is to just have fun. Go on…..what are you going to change in your day to be more fun? Because we deserve that…right?!

Cherie with a C

xx